living it out

Our vocation is such a beautiful gift.  I think very often I forgot, especially in my discernment, that it is simply that - a gift from God.  Usually I had this sense of entitlement - that I deserved this vocation or that vocation - but truly, honestly, wonderfully, it's a gift from the Father.  While I fail and stumble and struggle through this vocation day in and day out, it remains one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever been given, and it's a permanent gift - it is not going away, ever.  Especially in our engagement, the permanence of the vocation would sometimes make me uneasy or afraid - the evil one knows especially how to make me weak at the knees and writhe in confusion, and he did just that during our engagement.  But as the days go by, and B and I struggle with some things and excel in others, the permanence of our union is such a relief to the both of us.  We are going to be in each other's corners, rooting each other on, for the rest of our lives.  We are bound up in one another, and have been called to bring the other to holiness.  Bringing B to holiness has always been something that makes my stomach knot - immediately I think of my human frailty and I gulp at the thought of bringing my beloved to holiness.  How can I help B achieve heaven, if there are some days when I'm so covered in sin that it's a struggle for me even to think of Christ?  It is a daunting thought!  

Yet B and I were created for this - I will never forget this strong, overpowering feeling very soon after marrying him.  All of a sudden, like a wave in the ocean, it came over me: In His infinite love, God created me for this.  In those moments of pure, unadulterated weakness, the love of my Father God is pretty much the only way I can get by.  And, I'm slowly realizing, it is only by His great grace and limitless mercy that B and I are going to bring each other to holiness.  And that is, by far, the greatest relief, because there is no way I could live out this vocation without His grace!  

I'm sure none of this made sense.  B and I had a conversation tonight about living it out - living out this vocation, and how we will best live this out for the rest of our lives.  It sure stirred up some strong feelings in the both of us.  What a joy it is going to be to figure this out, with God's help, for the rest of our lives!