This post is both an exercise in describing where we're at right now, as well as a checklist of progress we've made (simply for yours truly) in preparation for our move.
Thus, without further ado.....where we're at!
- We're down to two options: staying in Madison (and B reapplying to law school for Fall 2011) and moving to Naples, FL and B enrolling in a law school there (this one is dependent on his admission into the entering class off their waiting list). It is a relief to be so close to knowing our final outcome, but with being so close comes, at least for me, a real bout of impatience. I went to the mailbox today, just hoping that we would receive some type of closure from the school in Naples, and when there wasn't a scrap of mail there, all I could do was blurt out a frustrated, "come ON!" I even went back to the mailbox a second time, just to see if perhaps I'd missed the mailman the first time. I just have to keep reminding myself, Lord, it is Your will we seek, and not our own. And then I throw in a flustered "but in the meantime, bless me with patience!"
- We're packing - A LOT. I have started the process and it hasn't been terribly overwhelming just yet. The plan at the moment, if we haven't heard from the school in Naples by July 31st, is to move our stuff into storage until A) we find a suitable apartment in Madison or B) we move to Naples! I'm finding just two parts of this process a bit overwhelming: the sheer amount of boxes (we will probably have thirty to forty by the time we're done packing) is starting to take over our living space, and I am at a loss with what to do about our laundry. Part of me just wants to let it accumulate and deal with it later, and another part of me wants to crank out five or six loads right now and be ahead as we look to do our serious moving next week. I am sure the latter will win - it's just a matter of biting the bullet and getting it done. Unfortunately, I am very unmotivated to walk all the way around our building to our laundry facilities while it is 85-90 degrees and humid in the middle of the day. I fear I'll just need to get over it and do it, because I don't think the heat is breaking anytime soon.
- We're trying - however feebly - to trust our loving Father with whatever plan He might have for us. I am often the one struggling with this, but I have found a certain peace about things in the past few days. It hasn't been a complete peace, that's for sure, but it's a start. I just keep telling myself that this will all get done - somehow, someway, this will all get accomplished. We will move, wherever that might be, and it will happen when God intends. In the meantime, as we wait on God's will, I just plug along and do what I need to do in order to get this move started. For now, that's just a lot of packing. :-)
As I left a restaurant where I picked up some dinner for B tonight, I was behind a car that was stopped at a light and was going to go straight through the intersection. I was in a hurry to get home (one of my weaknesses and struggles lately has been with showing charity to my fellow drivers), and tried my darnedest to wiggle my way between the van and the curb to sneak around her to turn right, but to no avail. As I waited, impatiently, for the light to turn, I saw that the van had the simplest of bumper stickers on the back: a small image of the Divine Mercy, and Jesus, I trust in You. How often I need that reminder!
a presto
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
bella notte
We had a beautiful night! We went to visit with some friends and attend their 3-year-old daughter's ballet "recital" - by recital, I mean, four of the most adorable little girls dancing around to three songs. It was beautiful, and hilarious, and so cute I could almost hardly stand it!
And then we went to dinner, to a handpicked restaurant by the ballerina herself, and proceeded to dine with them and their three children, all under the age of five (and one more on the way, any day now)! It was hilarious - complete with screaming, laughing, tickling, you name it. It was wonderful. At one point I took the littlest out to the restaurant yard to allow her mom to finish her ice cream cone, and we walked around and smelled the flowers in the landscaping. It was wonderful. :-)
We prayed the rosary on the way home (!), and stopped at Home Depot for more packing boxes, and saw another pair of friends there and saw their new baby for the first time. I packed more of our things (I'm feeling wildly productive these days), and now, a few hours later, Apollo 13 is winding down on our television set and my wildly adorable husband is snoozing next to me on the couch.
These simple things in life bring me so much joy!
And then we went to dinner, to a handpicked restaurant by the ballerina herself, and proceeded to dine with them and their three children, all under the age of five (and one more on the way, any day now)! It was hilarious - complete with screaming, laughing, tickling, you name it. It was wonderful. At one point I took the littlest out to the restaurant yard to allow her mom to finish her ice cream cone, and we walked around and smelled the flowers in the landscaping. It was wonderful. :-)
We prayed the rosary on the way home (!), and stopped at Home Depot for more packing boxes, and saw another pair of friends there and saw their new baby for the first time. I packed more of our things (I'm feeling wildly productive these days), and now, a few hours later, Apollo 13 is winding down on our television set and my wildly adorable husband is snoozing next to me on the couch.
These simple things in life bring me so much joy!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
signs it's time to move.....
You hear and discover that a mouse has taken up residence behind your fridge - and it's the FOURTH mouse to decide to move into your lovely abode. In all honesty, I'm not afraid of mice, and it's not that I don't like mice - I would just rather not live with them, that's all.
Needless to say, trap is set - no sign of the intruder just yet. Hoping we'll get him tonight.
T-minus 18 days until the lease is up! Let's get out of here!
Needless to say, trap is set - no sign of the intruder just yet. Hoping we'll get him tonight.
T-minus 18 days until the lease is up! Let's get out of here!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
the waiting
It's 11:00 at night, I should be in bed, but I can't sleep. Thus, currently, I'm listening to "Wavin' Flag" by K'naan (a World Cup song), reminiscing about the '06 World Cup while I was in Italy, and blogging random thoughts. B and I both snoozed a little bit tonight (B was tired, and I was nursing a headache), and while my husband has been blessed with the ability to sleep wherever and whenever, I, on the other hand, have not been endowed with this gift. This is my third late night this week due to later naps during the day - they're never terribly long (maybe half an hour at most), but they're enough to keep me wound up during the time when I should be winding down each day.
Perhaps part of it, also, is the spinning in my head about possible scenarios for us in these next few weeks. I lay in bed and my mind starts to whirl with the uncertainty we face once our current lease expires on the 31st. B is waiting to hear still from three law schools, one in Minnesota, one in Wisconsin, and one (waiting list) in Florida.
Here, let's do the math:
Three distinct schools + three different cities + three weeks until we're out of this apartment = BIG TIME ANXIETY FOR YOURS TRULY.
My insides seem literally to twist and turn as I'm poring over all the different situations in which we could find ourselves in just 21 days. And don't even get me started on how my brain processes all of this - most of the time it's reeling, and just trying to keep up with the barrage of thoughts I throw at it at any given moment.
A sampling of the thoughts that spin through my head, usually at least once a day:
Where will we be on August 1st?
Where will our belongings be on August 1st?
With B working, how are we even going to be able to move? How are we going to get our things out of this apartment in the first place?
What will our job situation look like in a month?
What about health insurance?
What about just staying afloat financially during the transition of moving?
Will we be able to attend a family reunion in North Carolina next month?
Needless to say, this is all just gut-wrenching, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I don't handle any of this well. I crashed emotionally earlier this week - I think I had had it up to here for the afternoon, just thinking about the unknown and stewing over the vagueness of our next move in life. I came home and cried. (I'm not a terribly emotional person usually, so to have had two emotional episodes in one week is a big deal for me.) "It's just too much for me," I whined to B. "I'm sick of this, I just need to know what's next. There's so much planning involved, but I need to know where we're going to be in order to make those plans."
"You think you need to know," B assured me. "But it's not God's time yet. You want to know now, but it's not God's time to reveal that yet."
"Well, it needs to be His time," I retorted. "I need to know."
Yet here we are, a day later, and we still don't know - I still don't know that which I believe so earnestly that I need to know. I anticipate the mail every day - almost counting down the minutes to when the postman will arrive, praying that he has something there that will define the course of our lives for the next year. Sometimes, forgive me, I don't even care if he brings with him three rejection letters - three denials from the three schools, just anything to bring more direction to the next three weeks. It's so ridiculous, we're off to Kansas City for the weekend, and it hurts to know that I'm going to miss getting the mail for two whole days. And deep down I know that we will know at the right time - God will reveal this to us when He sees fit. It's just the waiting around part, as the days tick down, that is seemingly eating away at me.
What little faith I have!
Perhaps part of it, also, is the spinning in my head about possible scenarios for us in these next few weeks. I lay in bed and my mind starts to whirl with the uncertainty we face once our current lease expires on the 31st. B is waiting to hear still from three law schools, one in Minnesota, one in Wisconsin, and one (waiting list) in Florida.
Here, let's do the math:
Three distinct schools + three different cities + three weeks until we're out of this apartment = BIG TIME ANXIETY FOR YOURS TRULY.
My insides seem literally to twist and turn as I'm poring over all the different situations in which we could find ourselves in just 21 days. And don't even get me started on how my brain processes all of this - most of the time it's reeling, and just trying to keep up with the barrage of thoughts I throw at it at any given moment.
A sampling of the thoughts that spin through my head, usually at least once a day:
Where will we be on August 1st?
Where will our belongings be on August 1st?
With B working, how are we even going to be able to move? How are we going to get our things out of this apartment in the first place?
What will our job situation look like in a month?
What about health insurance?
What about just staying afloat financially during the transition of moving?
Will we be able to attend a family reunion in North Carolina next month?
Needless to say, this is all just gut-wrenching, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I don't handle any of this well. I crashed emotionally earlier this week - I think I had had it up to here for the afternoon, just thinking about the unknown and stewing over the vagueness of our next move in life. I came home and cried. (I'm not a terribly emotional person usually, so to have had two emotional episodes in one week is a big deal for me.) "It's just too much for me," I whined to B. "I'm sick of this, I just need to know what's next. There's so much planning involved, but I need to know where we're going to be in order to make those plans."
"You think you need to know," B assured me. "But it's not God's time yet. You want to know now, but it's not God's time to reveal that yet."
"Well, it needs to be His time," I retorted. "I need to know."
Yet here we are, a day later, and we still don't know - I still don't know that which I believe so earnestly that I need to know. I anticipate the mail every day - almost counting down the minutes to when the postman will arrive, praying that he has something there that will define the course of our lives for the next year. Sometimes, forgive me, I don't even care if he brings with him three rejection letters - three denials from the three schools, just anything to bring more direction to the next three weeks. It's so ridiculous, we're off to Kansas City for the weekend, and it hurts to know that I'm going to miss getting the mail for two whole days. And deep down I know that we will know at the right time - God will reveal this to us when He sees fit. It's just the waiting around part, as the days tick down, that is seemingly eating away at me.
What little faith I have!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
not His Will
trFor the past two and a half months, we've played a waiting game with the admissions committee at B's top choice of law school. We've flirted with the possibilities of enrolling, moving, finding a new apartment, all of those things that come with transitions and new changes. In my head danced around ideas and fantasies of what these next years at this law school would be like - living in a small apartment off-campus, B going to school, I working to support us, trying to stay thrifty in the one-income household but probably splurging for some favorite things here and there. Maybe, just maybe, God would also bless us with our first child during B's tenure at this law school. The possibilities, the dreams, the hopes - they were endless. And I, deep in my heart of hearts, believed that we'd be getting a big, fat, acceptance letter sometime this summer, and all those dreams would become our reality.
Yesterday afternoon, as casually as we had received the e-mail about B's spot on the wait list, we received word that there was no way the admissions committee could offer him a spot in the class of 2013. The dean of admissions rambled off all the generalizing phrases - we had a lot of qualified applicants, and it hurts us to have to turn you away, all of the same, redundant words that really just mean: we can't let you in. It was the simplest of messages - and I peered over B's shoulder as he opened the e-mail, and my heart just sank, and the tears flowed like rain.
And for the next half hour I acted like a stubborn, snotty child - angry at the committee, hurt by their triteness in the e-mail, despondent that what had seemed so real had been snatched away in a matter of seconds, and so very devastated for B. We had just been talking on the way to get the car an oil change that B had felt pretty good about his chances, just an hour or so earlier. We had legions of people praying for us, praying that God's Will would be this school. We were so ready to move on with our lives, to get off this pause button of applications and forge onward, toward careers and grownup things. How had it gone so very different, in just a matter of minutes? What did this now mean for his chances at the four schools from which we still await a response? Would we be subject to additional rejections? My head started spinning with all of these questions, and I grew more frustrated. Eventually, my poor husband, the one who had actually suffered this rejection, had to comfort me, when it was really I who should have been doing that for him in the first place.
And then we talked it out. Where do we go from here? What happens if B doesn't get in this year? And most importantly - what is God really asking of us in this? That is a question that I don't often like to ask. There were times yesterday where I was upset with God, frustrated at His Will, so painfully before us. And in those painful moments, my conscience hit me like a ton of bricks....
God will work in this situation, to bring about His glory.
No matter how painful, how frustrating, how maddening all of this is, God will use this to glorify Himself.
My only prayer is that I can remember this as we wait for the next month - hoping, wondering, dreaming about what the next academic year will bring us.
Yesterday afternoon, as casually as we had received the e-mail about B's spot on the wait list, we received word that there was no way the admissions committee could offer him a spot in the class of 2013. The dean of admissions rambled off all the generalizing phrases - we had a lot of qualified applicants, and it hurts us to have to turn you away, all of the same, redundant words that really just mean: we can't let you in. It was the simplest of messages - and I peered over B's shoulder as he opened the e-mail, and my heart just sank, and the tears flowed like rain.
And for the next half hour I acted like a stubborn, snotty child - angry at the committee, hurt by their triteness in the e-mail, despondent that what had seemed so real had been snatched away in a matter of seconds, and so very devastated for B. We had just been talking on the way to get the car an oil change that B had felt pretty good about his chances, just an hour or so earlier. We had legions of people praying for us, praying that God's Will would be this school. We were so ready to move on with our lives, to get off this pause button of applications and forge onward, toward careers and grownup things. How had it gone so very different, in just a matter of minutes? What did this now mean for his chances at the four schools from which we still await a response? Would we be subject to additional rejections? My head started spinning with all of these questions, and I grew more frustrated. Eventually, my poor husband, the one who had actually suffered this rejection, had to comfort me, when it was really I who should have been doing that for him in the first place.
And then we talked it out. Where do we go from here? What happens if B doesn't get in this year? And most importantly - what is God really asking of us in this? That is a question that I don't often like to ask. There were times yesterday where I was upset with God, frustrated at His Will, so painfully before us. And in those painful moments, my conscience hit me like a ton of bricks....
God will work in this situation, to bring about His glory.
No matter how painful, how frustrating, how maddening all of this is, God will use this to glorify Himself.
My only prayer is that I can remember this as we wait for the next month - hoping, wondering, dreaming about what the next academic year will bring us.
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