What a crazy ten days! It's hard to imagine the last time I updated was two Fridays ago. So much has happened since then, I don't even know where to begin.
Last Monday, the 25th, was my first official day at St. Paul's. I walked to the student center that day, which sits at the pulse of the campus at the intersection between Library Mall and the beginnings of State Street, a wee bit nervous for this next adventure of life. Since that walk to campus that Monday morning, there has been a sea of frenzy amongst the staff, preparing for the upcoming year, coordinating "Welcome Week" events, and in the midst of all the busyness, we still find time to come to the chapel and kneel before Our Lord, the Reason behind all of our anticipation and preparation for these students.
While my job this academic year is to be an "urban missionary" among these thousands of college students, I do not (and probably haven't ever) considered myself missionary material. I stumble for words in the midst of introductory conversations and I grasp for questions that, unfortunately, each new student has probably heard in their week of experience on campus. Before last week, the sheer thought of engaging people, even just people walking by the center on Library Mall, sent me into a quasi-panic. Much of me would rather just be the "liturgy girl" who hides in the sacristy and serves her Lord as she assists the priest in preparing for the Masses. But my Lord knows this of me, and He knows my struggle to step out of my comfort zone and engage with people. That's why He put me front and center at a Library Mall table last week, manning the booth alone, without anyone else, on Thursday morning. The hour I was alone at the table was brutally painful, but entirely humbling. And in the midst of my awkwardness and uncertainty, as I grew more accustomed to engaging with people, it was almost as if He were behind my shoulder, whispering, "See, I knew you could do it. All you had to do was tell yourself that you could do it." Don't get me wrong, I'm still awkward and it still feels like nails on a chalkboard during conversations with some of those particularly soft-spoken freshmen, but then there are moments like Thursday morning and He tells me that I can do it, despite my inadequacy and despite my fear. On my computer at my desk at the student center, I posted a huge picture of John Paul II on my desktop. Each time I close out of a program or minimize my program to my taskbar, there he is, stately and stoic. It's almost like I can hear him, my generation's spiritual father, booming to me and to the masses, "Do not be afraid!" It's that message, the message he conveyed to the youth throughout his papacy, that Christ also conveys to me in these first few days as a missionary.
My order is tall and my plate has often been full this past week. I'm coordinating two retreats and the liturgies at St. Paul's and it's entirely rewarding but can also be very demanding on my "office time" at the student center. Yet each time I find myself on the brink of becoming overwhelmed, I seek His face and remind myself why I'm here. And then I remind myself that He knows what will transpire in these coming weeks and all He asks me for is my trust. It's that relationship, the trusting relationship, that He is seeking from me.
So much has already happened and so much is yet to come! I'll write more when I'm not so overheated - temperatures soared into the low 90's today, an oppressive welcome to the first day of school for our students. I'm definitely ready for a glass of water, a fan, and a couch!
Until next time....!
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